reflection-recognized

it seems that i've run out of things to write
ever since i've stopped being emo.

but i will still write.

The past month has been pretty killer for me.
Killer in a good way.
        and a bad way too.
The beginning was quite hopeful, allowing me to plan anything out
   while at the same time having the ability to be unstoppable.
This month long break made me realize that I really do have
the capability to do absolutely nothing.
The first three weeks I became an animal-an owl to be specific.
Staying up all night to finish a 500 piece puzzle.
Following up with an epic sleep-fest until 7 pm.
Throughout all of this time, going through all the seasons of Desperate Housewives
    -which is a dynamic television show. Fits to my taste very nicely.
Things started to pick up as YDC prep. was starting to go in motion.
Working on the skit was great. With a great group of people.
Going snowboarding for the first time was filled with the most fun i've ever had in years.
   The greatest part of all was overcoming my fear and just going for the gold.
        The next morning I woke up with sore muscles and bruised legs, but it was the most
        alive I had felt in a while-so it was all worth it.
Watched a few good movies too-[AVATAR-Made me feel like a little kid again as I indulged in the amazing
                                                    graphics and fight scenes at the very end].

The break is now over, and classes begin tomorrow for Spring semester 2010.
I wonder what adventures await.

In Every Circumstance

Thankful for this and that, only when I am satisfied.

Bitter. Hard times.

The Lord leads me life-

Thank God. 

Argh

It bubbles up inside of you,
hitting the roof of your head,
it has no where else to leak out to:
Frustration.

Feeling like you have so much you want to say.
You attempt to say it and it ends up spilling out into a mush of pooh.
No one can understand what you are trying to say.
    -So no one cares.

Oh God.
What have you done.
Another awkward situation.
You long for an escape.
So...
you say, "so........"

Feeling stupid, feeling worthless,
without a care in the world.
You put up a front.
Shielding yourself from making friends,
protecting yourself from being vulnerable
pretending to be someone that you are not.

What does that leave you with-
it leaves you with yourself.

People judge you
people come and people go.
They judge you without even really
wanting to get to know you.

The front that you put up is what
people will only get to know.

..

When in actuality, it's the exact opposite
of who you really are.

Frustration.

It builds up inside, leaving a sticky residue
of bitter resentment to yourself.

Reached

Reach until a breach of enlightenment appears.
Extend hands to invisible goal.
Breathe in air around you, filling lungs with new fulfillment.
Muscles stretching, bones cracking.
Satisfaction.

Rubbing Off

Go there-sit.
Sit there-listen.
Feel something-forgive.
Let go-never.
What the-?
Not sorry-sit.
Wait man-listen.
Can not-forgive.
Is it-?

The sands of time

I have in my two hands some sand from a beach.
I hold it; look at it; feel it, lose it.

I choose to open my fingers, making openings in which
the sand smoothly sifts through, escaping into the air-to freedom.
To freedom it floats until it is caught in another pair of hands; it
waits patiently to float once again.

I look after that sand, with sad eyes
wanting to hold it again.
I desperately grab more sand from the beach
on which i stand.

But it is not the same.
This new sand in my hand
is not
the
same.

The sand that I had let go of is gone now.
It shall never return.
I am not the only one who can attest to this.

I look to this new sand in my hands and I
realize the mistake in which I had made
with the sands of the past.

I hold the sand in my two hands from a beach.
I hold it, look at it, embrace it, keep it.

Healing Tears

Today I cried a lot.

I cried because there was hurt in my heart.

Hurt from stress

But more importantly- hurt from

the people I love.

They did not hurt me purposefully.

I hurt because at that moment, their heart was mine

and that heart was hurting so bad.

That hurt heart

pushed the tears

from my eyes

and with crying out prayer

the Lord led me to the word of God

and slowly that hurt from that heart

began to go away.

But then someone called

and that hurt returned

with a fresh set of tears.

they ask, do you have a cold-

i say no

they ask, why are you sniffing-

i say- i was crying.

they ask, why-

i say don't mind it.

but in the end the truth

comes out-

they concern for me and think that

i am crying out of my own problems.

but no the truth at the end

is that i cry for them

for when they hurt in their heart,

that heart becomes mine.

and it hurts

and so I cry

I cry healing tears.