In Every Circumstance

Thankful for this and that, only when I am satisfied.

Bitter. Hard times.

The Lord leads me life-

Thank God. 

Argh

It bubbles up inside of you,
hitting the roof of your head,
it has no where else to leak out to:
Frustration.

Feeling like you have so much you want to say.
You attempt to say it and it ends up spilling out into a mush of pooh.
No one can understand what you are trying to say.
    -So no one cares.

Oh God.
What have you done.
Another awkward situation.
You long for an escape.
So...
you say, "so........"

Feeling stupid, feeling worthless,
without a care in the world.
You put up a front.
Shielding yourself from making friends,
protecting yourself from being vulnerable
pretending to be someone that you are not.

What does that leave you with-
it leaves you with yourself.

People judge you
people come and people go.
They judge you without even really
wanting to get to know you.

The front that you put up is what
people will only get to know.

..

When in actuality, it's the exact opposite
of who you really are.

Frustration.

It builds up inside, leaving a sticky residue
of bitter resentment to yourself.

Reached

Reach until a breach of enlightenment appears.
Extend hands to invisible goal.
Breathe in air around you, filling lungs with new fulfillment.
Muscles stretching, bones cracking.
Satisfaction.

Rubbing Off

Go there-sit.
Sit there-listen.
Feel something-forgive.
Let go-never.
What the-?
Not sorry-sit.
Wait man-listen.
Can not-forgive.
Is it-?

The sands of time

I have in my two hands some sand from a beach.
I hold it; look at it; feel it, lose it.

I choose to open my fingers, making openings in which
the sand smoothly sifts through, escaping into the air-to freedom.
To freedom it floats until it is caught in another pair of hands; it
waits patiently to float once again.

I look after that sand, with sad eyes
wanting to hold it again.
I desperately grab more sand from the beach
on which i stand.

But it is not the same.
This new sand in my hand
is not
the
same.

The sand that I had let go of is gone now.
It shall never return.
I am not the only one who can attest to this.

I look to this new sand in my hands and I
realize the mistake in which I had made
with the sands of the past.

I hold the sand in my two hands from a beach.
I hold it, look at it, embrace it, keep it.

Healing Tears

Today I cried a lot.

I cried because there was hurt in my heart.

Hurt from stress

But more importantly- hurt from

the people I love.

They did not hurt me purposefully.

I hurt because at that moment, their heart was mine

and that heart was hurting so bad.

That hurt heart

pushed the tears

from my eyes

and with crying out prayer

the Lord led me to the word of God

and slowly that hurt from that heart

began to go away.

But then someone called

and that hurt returned

with a fresh set of tears.

they ask, do you have a cold-

i say no

they ask, why are you sniffing-

i say- i was crying.

they ask, why-

i say don't mind it.

but in the end the truth

comes out-

they concern for me and think that

i am crying out of my own problems.

but no the truth at the end

is that i cry for them

for when they hurt in their heart,

that heart becomes mine.

and it hurts

and so I cry

I cry healing tears.

weak.sauce.

So I was thinking today..

I don't think much.

But I was thinking today.

That a moment of weakness is all it takes

to make your life take a wrong turn

on the path of righteousness.

I'm not walking on the gravel-there's nothing concrete around me anymore.

I lost my shoe in the swamp back there.

I'm pretty sure it was the right way-

I'm also pretty sure I've seen that tree

for the umpteenth time in 10 minutes.

Okay. I'm lost.

At least i'm admitting it.

Fine. I'm lost.

"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?

But if you do not do what is right,

Sin is crouching at your door and it desires to have you;

but you must master it."

-Genesis 4:7

It's all about the decisions that I make today. Not tomorrow. Or Tomorrow. Or Tomorrow.

We all have moments of weakness.

Do you master it?

Anonymous

"Having a British professor does not automatically make him cool."

I go on facebook.
I check my farm on farmville.
I see an advertisement.
It says "Honesty Box"
It looks interesting.
I add it to my facebook.
My "friends" want me to tell write what I think about them.
...
well it is an honesty box. right?
they really did want to know
what I think about them.
...

I write something. Anonymously.

...

they reply.
they are mad.

they wanted to know, right?

-Anonymous

I tire.

I tire because I am of the dust.
On the dust you trod
thus I become flattened
and everything around me becomes level ground.

But I still tire.

I tire because there are things in this world
that I just don't get.
Some menial things just become too trite
making me not want to listen anymore.

I tire because I do not sleep.

I tire of me.

But there is hope in all of this.
There is a hope that there is a portal
which leads to my salvation.

The question is
do I enter this portal.

I tire of not entering.

random

I thought i would start off with just a small ramble of random things.
I thought it fit the best since it matches well with my personality.
I sit on a couch-perhaps a big comfy couch-trying to overcome my food coma from a footlong sub. A girl sleeps beside me.
I finished class early- yet there is one more to come.

What's on my mind?
I didn't accomplish what I wanted to do right from the moment when I woke up.

I woke up to the alarming tone of my mother's voice. I locked my door before I went
to sleep-not necessarily to keep my mother out but to keep the safety of my life in.
I did open the window though.

While that last stanza didn't make any sense.
A sense of it makes me shiver.
I could have lost myself last night.
But I didn't.

So I woke up. Gave a long shout of dismay thinking about that one person that I would
disappoint by waking up too late.
I felt bad. Terrible.
The cycle that i'm going through is a cycle that never stops.
It may pause once in a while. But then it starts again.
I need some sort of splicer-yes splicer.
to just cut it off.

But the thing that made me feel better was the fact that I can get completely ready in seven
minutes flat.
And the fact that that one person is very forgiving and just.

Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow.
There are some things that actually can be fixed.

Psalm 36:5
Your love, o LORD, reaches to the heavens your faithfulness to the skies"