spilling it all out...

one thing I noticed about myself is that I am an observer. 

I like to observe everything that is going on around me and everything that 

connects to later events. Cause and effect.

An example could be a piece of paper falls out of a lady's purse as she digs for her lipstick. 

This piece of paper is a note for her to give to her husband to remind him to pick up their son after school.

The piece of paper flies away into the air, relaxed and dances in the wind until it gravitates to the ground

and gets stomped on.

   This one piece of paper could have been the one thing that stopped a series of other events. But then, what

can stop it? It's just the flow of our everyday lives. We have no choice but to move on. 

I like to think of myself as an observer not because I like to stare at people, but because I would really like to 

truly understand these people as I look upon them on my daily commute to school. Observing-in my opinion- 

takes skill, it is not just something that anyone can do. Actually, I don't even know if being arrogant about this is even worth it, but anyway- yes, it is a skill. When observing, it takes a lot of focus and following the object down to its last and every detail. Expectations, can be expected while observing, but also plays a big role in pleasant surprises:

    A woman walks in through the train doors, dirty blond hair with 6 month old highlights pulled back into a neat ponytail, dressed in light brown slacks and black leather mary janes. It is quite chilly today, so she takes the train instead of taking her car. She wears an organized peacoat-simple with buttons down the middle- she doesn't like to overdress for work. She wears a light mascara on her face and a light brown eyeliner so that not a lot of attention is drawn to her face, perhaps some chapstick, nothing too fancy. Her black leather gloves are new- a Christmas present from her mother, how nice. She reaches into her Marc Jacobs purse to pull out-of course- her iphone. She checks her e-mail, the weather, and then goes right into texting waiting for her daily commute to be over as she plunges into work and then will go home and enjoy her family-rinse and repeat, if desired.

Why am I blogging about stupid and unnecessary things? Perhaps I want to give the world a little taste of who I am and why I think in certain ways.  Bah, but the world will not be interested. So this just another waste of a thing I did today. Hm. Didn't even write about what I really wanted to write about. Til next time lads.  

Turn of Events

today i woke up feeling groggy.
stayed up late making some things and watching tv.
oh what a life.
tis fun, yes.


alas i was being watched and oh how this dark day had turned from being hopeless, endless.
into a day I shall never forget.
The possibilities being endless, grazing towards what is to make it end.
the freedom to do whatever I want, the freedom to live.
especially the freedom to die in a style of my choice.
i wondered, will he meet me there- o yes, my child he will meet me

My Story

I lay here.
Battered from a seemingly endless power struggle.
    Feel the gravel pushing into the small of my back.
Throbs of aching torment pulsating
throughout.
I breathe, my soul ripped out.
Is there no solace here?

Stone. Cold. Tremble. Dark.

  Two pairs of feet pass by
in a distant space.
Cold glances meeet mine eyes.
The crunch of the steps
   containing a sense of sudden
   urgency to walk away.
Is there no solace here?

Oh, what is this here, now.
The crunching of steps filled with urgency
walking to me.
  Warm hands touching my face.
  Feel the warm breath enter me,
  making me whole, spinning
  the remnant strings of my soul together,
 tight and knit.

I am lifted up now.
Cloaked in the warm embrace of Him.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
    Riding towards the foot of the stairway
 Which leads to my salvation.

Windburn

For the being of air comes whenever him please.
   Like the wind, it blows westward, strong.
     To the east, gentle.
         To the south, calm.
             To the north, purified.
In every season, he is steady and he is constant.
  Bring to him all praise bring to him all worship.
   Declare that he is here in us; ever so present.
Breathe in this being of air, consume its every particle
      become rejuvenated-you are young again.
For by He spirit- you are free.
       Take the wind, fly westward, strong.
              To the east, stride.
                  To the south, proclaim.
                     To the north, resurrected.
        Over everything Here you is.