I ended up not failing my math class. Hooray!
So my grades look shoddy, but it's A-OK! Because it really got me thinking
about my future.
Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher, not because I knew why but because
the image of it looked so good in my head. I was 3 inches taller in my daydreams so it was easier
to look at myself as an upright role model for all the little kids I was teaching.
Standing at the blackboard with my clean piece of chalk I would neatly write out the math problems,
or have them all sit in a small crowd in front of me as I read them a class children's book.
This image looks so good, and that has been the thing that kept me going, holding on to that "vision"
of becoming an educator for little kids. But soon enough, that "vision" turned into practicality as my parents
convinced me to go into secondary education for math, just because I would surely get a job.
-stop- I went through my whole first year of college thinking that I would become a math teacher, preferably at Lane Tech because it was a familiar place to fall back on. But when the reality of failing my math class came into play, that's where everything came crashing down. My mansion of fake images and corrupted visions set on fire as my dusty mind came out to play and its gears started to creakily spin, allowing me to
deeply think about the potential that I really have and the valuable things that I could contribute to this ever
so glamorous world.
I could keep going about whatever is going on ^up there^ but then my title for this entry wouldn't make any sense. So continuing on:
Nostalgia
What comes to mind, thinking about that word which means-in my definition- to think pleasantly back on the past? Perhaps ice cream cones, walks in the park, playing at the beach, swing sets, laughter or jokes?
Today I logged on to facebook and found that some people were going to be traveling this summer and having a great time wherever they're going to go. This made me nostalgic about my last summer in Korea, thinking about the people there who I had so much fun with and all the laughter and shopping and good eating that happened. But why is it that the extremely hot and humid weather, strenuous climbs up hills, and arguments with good friends don't bother to enter into this "vivid" picture?
My point is that nostalgia always makes me want to go back to that place instead of enjoying this time
int the future. Right now I have a job, and it consumes my time, and looking back to Korea or other times
it makes me want to quit and leave the country just like everyone else. But Today I'm making a decision to stay where I am and grow, working on the relationships around me and especially on my relationship with God. For once I come out of my nostalgic state to not want to go back there, but stay here and open new windows, doors, gates, whatever of opportunity.
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Hahahaha stupid nostalgic picture
