I don't know what it is about waking up in the morning.
Why does it feel so terrible?
Why do my eyes feel like they're blind whenever I try to open them?
Why do I feel instantly okay the moment I finally decide to get out of bed?
WHY.
I guess there is one answer to these questions.
And I know that it has something to do with looking forward to what lies ahead.
I guess I just didn't have anything to look forward to.
For the longest time, I've been content with my stagnant life.
I would be perfectly happy with making my life dependent on what people around me tell to do.
But recently I realized that this is not living. This is not why I am on this earth.
Like a robot, just feeding on direction from other imperfect beings and carrying them out without hesitation.
One day, I got angry when these imperfect beings yelled at me and then I was more confused than angry and finally just really sad and pitiful.
Is this my life? Just listening to people and doing what they say to get rebuke in return?
These people thought they were helping me, but they didn't know me and didn't want to know me- they just assumed things about me and moved on.
But then again, I really didn't have a "me" that these people could get to know because I was too busy trying to please them, too busy pleasing my own carnal desires.
For nineteen years what everyone else did defined me.
Now, there is no more blind submission in me but there is a desire to seek out the One who created me, set me on this earth and get to know Him more.
I got nowhere trying to be just a dweller, making my actions depend on what the world demanded of me.
So now, I turn around and cut off the world's demands and make none in return.
Simply put, I am finding myself, but not through the perspective of my own eyes but through God's eyes, the One who created me.
I'm going to find my meaning of this life given to me.
I'm going to find myself-no matter how cliche and dumb it sounds.
This is something to look forward to.
