I recently started a new job. Yes, I have finally moved on from my glowing job as a student library aide to being a personal assistant/receptionist at C2 Education-a tutoring center. I have only been working here for about 10 days now and my boss already has told me that I am a sensitive person. I took small offense to this because I generally do not like to be called sensitive or even like to be considered as a sensitive person. This really got me thinking more about who I am and what kind of person I am becoming. I can say that I've changed a lot in the last few years, especially in this last year. But I never really took the time to think about what my personality traits are and what kind of person I would be described as. Luckily yesterday I had a good opportunity to hear a couple of perspectives as to what kind of person that I am.
Perspective #1:
Adjectives: Laid-back, balanced
Other words used: Understands people, wants to understand people, you know who you are.
Perspective #2:
Adjectives: Emotional
Other words used: Like a roller coaster.
I swear I remembered so much more in my head but I clearly have a bad memory. I guess what I am trying to get at is that I am questioning whether or not I am too sensitive. I don't think that being a sensitive person is a bad thing, but it makes me wonder a lot about whether or not it can be too much sometimes. I feel that the times that it becomes too much is when I put a lot of value on what people think about me. I value other people's opinion of me so much that I let it become a change in me, which also leads me to wonder about whether or not the cliche phrase, "You shouldn't care what people think about you" is completely valid. Sometimes, we should care about what people think-depending on the context of course. Now that I think about this more, I care too much about what people are thinking or feeling in general. I have a hard time when people show negative emotions through their faces. I am usually not at fault in these situations, but I still am so affected by them. It is really difficult for me to just brush this off and move on with what I was doing. I mean, they are probably moving on and not thinking about what i'm thinking or feeling so why am I? Why do I care so much?
I didn't really write this post to have some sort of solution to my personality crisis. I'm just writing because I feel like I have so much on my mind. Actually, it usually feels like I have so much on my heart. When I think about how emotional I am and how I do go through and emotional roller coaster on a daily basis, I can't help but feel a bit sad that this would be seen in a negative way. The word itself "emotional" does not have the most positive connotation attached to it. I guess this goes along with how I care too much about what people think and it is coming back to the fact that I do indeed care too much about what people think about me. I don't have to be sad that I am marked or seen as an emotional or sensitive person. I actually like that about myself. I like that I am free with my emotions because I don't like to keep them inside, in fact, I will most definitely go crazy if I do. I like that I'm sensitive because I care about other's feelings and care about what other people are going through. And yes, this might sound like I'm just trying to justify myself, but I'd like to just be able to say freely that this is who I am. I am a crazy person.
